We Do Not Negotiate with Terrorists, er, Republicans!

There have been 18 government shutdowns in the past half-century, most of which came under Reagan and Clinton. Both presidents were aggressive in negotiating with Congress and eventually developed a compromise. Well, that was then, this is now.

Here’s how negotiations have gone as the partial government shutdown of 2013 continues.

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American peopleWe don’t want Obamacare.

Democrats: Too bad, it’s the f***in law bi**es!

Republicans: Let’s fund the government but defund Obamacare for a year until we can sort this out in 2014.

DemocratsNo. You’re all anarchists.

Americans: We still don’t like Obamacare, but we don’t like a government shutdown either. Negotiate!

DemocratsNo. The Tea Party is holding America hostage.

Republicans: How about a one year delay of the law, kind of like Obama unilaterally changed the law to delay certain parts of it, and we can talk again in 2014?

Democrats: No. You all are arsonists.

Republicans: Well, let’s at least fund some of the government, like that organization for kids with cancer and benefits for veterans.

DemocratsNo. You’re holding us all hostage with guns.

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Republicans: Hey, what’s up with closing all the monuments. That didn’t happen during past shutdowns. Can we use private donations from our own party to keep the monuments open?

White HouseNo! We’re putting up fences! And you’re all terrorists.

RepublicansCan we at least talk about it?

Democrats: No. We won’t be bullied by a bunch of tea-bagging, anarchist, arsonist, hostage-taking terrorists. And unreasonable!

Obama: Hey, guys, Obamacare is open for business! Well, sorta. Just call:  1-800-FU*K-YO

Americans: Well, this sucks.

Meanwhile, Obamacare looks like this for 99% of those who try to sign up:

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As demonstrated by this CNN host:

AND by this MSNBC host:

And, hey, it’s already been hacked. That’s embarrassing. Especially since they are storing all your private health information and social security numbers in a database, but they can’t guarantee it will stay private. 

Insurance rates are up, people are losing coverage, others are losing their jobs, and employers are being forced to cut hours to avoid certain regulations.

Isn’t government-run health care wonderful?

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